With some work, the really hard part, for me, is finishing. When I’m working, I see the picture daily for months or years. It’s always with me, whether in my mind or my hands; all the while analyzing different steps and going back to check my work, like wrestling with a complicated equation.

At a certain point, the picture develops its own momentum and carries on as if independent from me. I feel as though I’m watching, not doing. Once I see the painting headed for resolution, a kind of fearful surprise comes over me. It’s like a prelude to loss — the dread felt when you recognize you’re about to drop something, knowing it will break when it hits the ground and you can’t do anything to stop it. It can be frightening. I’ve caught myself avoiding this moment, seeing that a picture is just about finished. I have often run from it, sometimes just turning the panel to the wall (and ignoring it for days or months) or committing some drastic change which delays the end.

I’ve struggled with this for as long as I can remember. Part of it might be that fear of loss, thinking about sending the picture away… But more than that, I think it’s a kind of loneliness, knowing my relationship with the painting is about to end. More than any other subject, I find these feelings in self-portraits. It seems obvious, but they’re very personal paintings, often painted in the pursuit of some theory or technical issue. But above all, they’re driven by the simple pleasure of painting, unaffected by pressures of sales and exhibitions. To tell the truth, it saddens me to finish these paintings.

Click this image (below) for a high-resolution detail.

2012 Exhibit Opening Reception:
Saturday, April 14, 10 am – 8pm

Exhibit Dates: April 14 – May 4, 2012

Pulliam Gallery
929 NW Flanders St.
Portland, OR 97209.
503.228.6665

I posted images on my website as well. Though a couple of them need updating– There’s a terrible glare on the Vermeer in that photo and the anatomy lesson is unevenly lit (bottom right is too dark). So come see them in person!

I’ll post detail shots soon.

A helpful trick, I’ve found, is to use a few different reproductions, each with varying contrast. Some pictures being lighter than others gives me the most information possible. I figure, if the reproduction can pick up details in one version which are absent in another– clearly, those details are present in the painting. Though they may exist only subtly in my finished painting, I feel that their presence lends a sort of authenticity which would otherwise be missed.

Dynasty Mongolian Sable: New vs. Two months of use

Dynasty’s Mongolian Sables are nowhere near the quality of Blick’s Master series both in terms of longevity and consistency. The Dynasty brushes began to shed pretty severely after only a few weeks of use. Because the brushes performed well initially, I ordered more (before they started falling apart). The new shipment, five brushes of the same size, was wildly irregular. Each brush was a different length– both in terms of hair and handle –and some of them were slightly bent at the ferrule in such a way that they that they were only usable on one side.

Fortunately, Dick Blick‘s customer service being what it is (amazing), they replaced the whole order. Unfortunately, the new brushes were no different.

I apologize to anyone who may have purchased these brushes on my recommendation, hopefully you have better luck with them than I did. But I’m happy to report continued satisfaction with Blick’s Master Series. I have several of the sables, which are excellent, and I picked up a few of their synthetics which quickly replaced the Dynastys.

August 19th, 2011. Odd Nerdrum Not Allowed to Paint in Prison

Cupid is just about finished. A few refinements are needed in the torso but the end is very near.
(A proper photo will follow.)

This trompe l’oeil series of master copies is very informative, as expected, but also a lot of fun. Caravaggio, Rembrandt, and Vermeer are included. While I hesitate to pick favorites, Caravaggio has been particularly eye opening. (Vermeer, unfortunately, is proving the least forgiving.) I intend to collect my observations and share them here afterward.

…Back to work.

Read the stories from the Norway International Network:

August 17th, 2011, Odd Nerdrum Sentenced to Jail
August 4th, 2011, Odd Nerdrum Pleads ‘Not Guilty’ to Tax Evasion
March 17th, 2011, Odd Nerdrum under Indictment

Speaking of the original painting… When I was searching for a good reproduction I came across this painting (link) from the Indianapolis Museum of Art. At first I thought it to be a clearer photograph of the other, housed in the Pitti Palace (in Florence), but upon closer inspection it’s a completely different painting. A lot of the differences are subtle (likely to be overlooked if only casually viewing), but the big changes such as the lower hand and the contour of the upper wing obviously can’t be attributed to different lighting. Plus, if you have any experience with Caravaggio, the paint handling just doesn’t feel right. But– I don’t pretend to know better than the museum housing it (they attribute it to Caravaggio and date it about ten years before the other one). It’s a curiosity. For what it’s worth, I think the location solves the mystery; I don’t mean to be unpatriotic but seeing that one is housed in Italy, and the other in Indiana, the Italian version somehow seems authentic by default.

Read more from The Guardian, and the obituary here.